In a recent Core Confidence video conversation we went deeper on the often quoted “fake it ‘til you make it” saying, coming to the conclusion that despite it being used in the context of building confidence, it is a short-term fix and paradoxically can lead us away from our Core Confidence.
As a mindset to help carry us through challenging circumstances, it is unsustainable and ultimately inauthentic – both to ourselves and to those around us with whom we have spent time building trust and rapport.
Within ourselves, faking it puts us in a state of ‘fight or flight’ which will be expressed in how we behave and interact with others as we fear the risk of being exposed. And if we are found out, or are behaving without authenticity, there is a very real risk that we destroy some of the trust and credibility we have built or are trying to build with our stakeholders.
Putting ourselves in that mode of uncertainty – teetering on the edge of being “found out” – does not equate to bringing our best self to the table and in fact can trigger imposter syndrome. This manifests as feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and fear of being revealed as a fraud. Which is about as far from confidence as you can get!
“…not only does faking it not work as a confidence booster, but it almost certainly makes us feel less secure, because knowingly masquerading as something we’re not makes us anxious.” ~ Katty Kay, Co-Author The Confidence Code
Instead, when we find ourselves in situations where we feel out of our depth or challenged, the first step to tapping into our Core Confidence is to get clarity. Being clear on the knowledge we have, who we are and the values we hold – and sitting with it all – is a key element of the confidence journey.
It also helps to get clear on what it means to “make it” in that moment. Once we can understand what success looks like and how far up that success ladder our current capabilities take us, we often see that the gap between where we are and where we need to be is not as big as we initially thought.
Through both we are leaning in – understanding our current position and the position we feel we need to be to “make it”. With this knowledge, we can then map the way to reach the goal.
Connecting with Core Confidence is not a linear journey and sometimes it’s not a short one either, so focus on the small Acts of Confidence that align with your authentic self to help you arrive at your ‘Make it’ destination.