To judge is to be human; whether judging the behaviours and thoughts of ourselves or others, it is a method we unconsciously use to navigate a complex world and determine our safety (or otherwise) in any situation. We use it to assess whether we like someone and feel safe around them and these views are driven by our identity, beliefs and values.
Our human need to be included and belong to a tribe means we also use judgement to determine how similar or different we are to others and by definition how likely we are to belong. Of course the challenge is, at the same time our brain is looking for evidence to reinforce our own perspective and bias because we like to be right.
The problem arises, however, when these default judgement patterns result in harsh self judgement and criticism. Comparison corrodes Confidence
Being able to consciously and confidently shine a light on your habitual judgement allows you to get curious and question the validity of this default reality and by definition be more inclusive of others. In Chapter 6 of the Core Confidence book, we discuss developing mindfulness and presence by tapping into our four intelligences to access the inner wisdom that is unfettered by judgement and the comparison that clouds our thinking:
– use rational thought and logic to understand what we are thinking (cognitive intelligence)
– recognise what we are feeling and how it impacts ourselves and others (emotional intelligence)
– listen to and trust our gut (intuitive intelligence)
– notice our body language and what it is sharing with others (physical intelligence)
This awareness enables more expansive and inclusive discussions as we drop our judgemental lens and try to see things from another’s point of view and prevents us from over-using our inclination to judge others. Not only does this provide a solid foundation when it comes to building relationships, it is a stepping stone towards strengthening our own core confidence as we practice awareness, understanding and acceptance of ourselves and those around us.