Think You’re Self-Aware? Research Says You Might Be Wrong – Here’s How to Fix That

The Problem: We All Like To Think We Know Ourselves

You know yourself well, right? You’ve got great self-awareness? You know what drives you, what holds you back, why you react the way you do.

Or at least, you think you do.

But here’s the kicker: A Harvard study found that while 70-80% of people believe they’re self-aware, only 10-15% actually are.¹ This study evaluated both internal and external self-awareness and found that despite high estimation of this quality, most people do not exhibit the traits of self-awareness.

That means most of us are walking around convinced we know ourselves—when, in reality, we’re missing some pretty big blind spots.

And here’s why that matters: If we don’t truly see what’s shaping our thoughts, choices, and actions, we’re operating on autopilot—repeating the same patterns, running into the same obstacles, and wondering why things aren’t changing.

So, What Is Self-Awareness?

Self-awareness is your ability to notice and understand what’s going on in your inner world—your thoughts, emotions, habits, motivations, and behaviours—and how those internal states are impacting the way you show up in the world.

It’s about making the invisible visible. Seeing not just what you do, but why you do it.

This includes:

• Understanding your strengths, values, and triggers
• Noticing patterns in how you respond to people or situations
• Recognising how your internal world impacts your external outcomes
• Being aware of how others perceive you (even if it’s different from how you see yourself)

Self-awareness gives you the power to pause, reflect, and choose—rather than react automatically. And that’s what makes it such a critical leadership and career development skill.

As the Harvard article explains, there are many benefits to enhancing your self-awareness: ‘We make sounder decisions, build stronger relationships, and communicate more effectively. We’re less likely to lie, cheat, and steal. We are better workers who get more promotions. And we’re more-effective leaders with more-satisfied employees and more-profitable companies.’

Why we Struggle with Self-Awareness?

1. Fear: Comfort Zones Are Addictive

Stepping out of the comfort zone feels risky (it’s normal to feel fearful). Humans are wired to stick with what’s familiar.

• We like certainty.
• We like routine.
• We like believing we’ve already got things figured out.

Self-awareness? It shakes that up. It requires us to go beyond the comfort zone of playing safe and small, to keep the status quo. It asks us to look at things we’ve ignored—old habits, outdated beliefs, uncomfortable truths. And honestly? That’s not always fun. It can feel like Pandora’s Box – who knows what we will find?

2. Our Ego Tells Us Stories (And We Believe Them)

We all have an inner storyteller – the voice that explains why things happen.

• “I’m not ready to apply for that role—I need more experience.”
  (Translation: I’m afraid I’m not good enough yet, and staying in ‘preparation mode’ feels safer than risking rejection)

• “I can’t say no—people will think I’m not a team player.”
  (Translation: I believe being liked is more important than setting boundaries.)

• “I’ll speak up once I’m 100% sure of my point.”
  (Translation: I’m afraid of being wrong or judged, so I stay silent to avoid discomfort.)

We’re often loyal to outdated beliefs and past experiences; we think that we have to do things perfectly, or accommodate others because that’s what we learnt growing up and was reinforce through our education system. Going against those ingrained beliefs feels hard – self-awareness really is the super-power that makes it possible.

Because here’s the thing…

But what if those stories aren’t 100% true? What if they’re just comfortable excuses that keep us stuck?

3. We Resist Change & Blame External Factors Instead of Looking Inward

Ever thought, “If only my boss/colleague /partner/family changed, things would be better”?

It’s way easier to assume the problem is out there instead of looking in here. But real self-awareness forces us to ask: “What role am I playing in this?”

Becoming self-aware means we can no longer ignore the things that we previously believed; change is hard. We’re being asked to take responsibility, to no longer be the victim, avoiding responsibility and making excuses. 

Self-awareness requires us to recognise our own agency and capability, to take self responsibility and step up to the opportunities in front of us.

4. We Don’t Know What We Don’t Know

Here’s the paradox: You can’t see your blind spots… because they’re blind spots.

And in today’s world, where we’re constantly rushing from one thing to the next, we don’t pause long enough to notice the small signs telling us something’s not quite right.

The result? We repeat the same patterns over and over—without realising our default beliefs and assumptions are the common denominator.

5. We Don’t Create the Space or Time to Become Self-aware

Self-awareness doesn’t magically happen, it requires a level of dedication and effort; it means looking at parts of ourselves that we might prefer to keep hidden (being the victim? not standing up for yourself? trying to fit in – sometimes with people you don’t even like?!)

Gaining self-awareness requires you to get focused and present, to sit quietly and reflect, to journal, to unpack the deeper layers of your thoughts, beliefs and assumptions. It means listening to the feedback we’d rather not hear and confronting those blind-spots.

All of this takes some time and energy, and is more easily done with great support structures around you, like the buddy groups in our Acts of Confidence program. Learning from and with others provides powerful accountability and a support crew who celebrate with you as you make progress.

How Do You Develop Real Self-Awareness?

Building self-awareness isn’t about over thinking every decision. It’s about learning to see what’s previously been invisible to you.

Here’s the good news: self-awareness isn’t a fixed trait. It’s a skill. And as with any skill, you can improve it. Here’s how:

1. Pay Attention to Your Emotional Reactions

Next time you:

• Feel frustrated in a conversation
• Get defensive when someone gives you feedback
• Feel an intense gut reaction to something

Pause. Then ask yourself why (we call this becoming your own best coach).

• What belief is being questioned?
• Is this a familiar pattern? Have I felt this way before?
• Am I assuming something that may not be true?

Your strongest emotional reactions are road signs pointing to deeper truths.

2. Notice When You Hold Back

Ever had an idea but didn’t speak up in a meeting?
Ever wanted to take action but talked yourself out of it?

That hesitation isn’t random. It’s your unconscious beliefs at play.

Start asking yourself:

• What story am I telling myself about why I can’t do this?
• Is this actually true, or just my inner critic trying to keep me safe (my old way of thinking)?
• What would happen if I acknowledged that voice and took action anyway?

3. Seek Honest Feedback (And Actually Listen to It)

If you want to be able to see your blind spots? The fastest way is to: Ask other people.

Get feedback from:

• A trusted friend or mentor
• A colleague or boss
• Someone who knows you well—but won’t sugarcoat things

But here’s the catch: When they give feedback, resist the urge to argue.

Instead, ask:

• “Can you tell me more about that?”
• “When have you seen this pattern show up?”
• “What would you suggest I try instead?”

Feedback is gold—but only if you’re willing to hear it.

4. Create Space for Reflection

Self-awareness doesn’t come from being busy all the time. You need room to think.

Try:

• Journaling: Write down your thoughts, emotions, and patterns you notice.
• Quiet walks: Limit distractions like music, podcasts etc. Just let your mind wander.
• Meditation or slow breathing: Provides space for clarity to emerge, so you can see what’s really going on.
• Accountability support structures: Learning from and with others, have a leader or mentor on board, completing activities and taking small acts of confidence.
• Regular self-check-ins: Once a week, ask yourself some good questions:
  • What went well this week?
  • Where did I feel stuck?
  • What patterns am I starting to notice?

5. Use Self-Assessment Tools (But Don’t Treat Them Like Gospel)

Personality tests like StrengthsFinder or Myers-Briggs can be helpful…

• For language– They help articulate strengths & areas for development.
• For perspective – They highlight areas you may not have considered.

But—huge caveat—don’t use them as an excuse.

• “I’m just bad at details because I’m an ENFP.” (Nope, you can still improve.)
• “I’m naturally risk-averse, so I don’t take big chances.” (That’s a choice, not a destiny.)

Use them as tools, not limitations.

6. Sit in the Discomfort (Because That’s Where Growth Happens)

Real self-awareness means acknowledging things you might not want to see.

• Maybe you’ve been playing it small.
• Maybe you’ve been blaming external factors instead of looking inward.
• Maybe you’ve been avoiding the work that would actually move you forward.

And that’s okay. Awareness is the first step. From awareness you can take action, and each action provides more intel and reduces the discomfort, until before long you start to see the discomfort not as something to avoid, but rather a way to step into your potential.

7. Cultivate Self-Trust

As we have been sharing recently, once you focus on better understanding how to build trust in yourself, you pay more attention to what is going on, and this expands self-awareness.

Check out this video to learn more about self-trust. 

How Leaders Can Help Their Teams Become More Self-Aware

Self-aware teams make better decisions, communicate more effectively, and perform at a higher level. If you’re in a leadership role, here’s how you can cultivate this in your team:

1. Normalise Self-Reflection & Expanding Self-Awareness

Encourage team members to see this as a skill they can build and to check in with themselves regularly. Some good coaching questions include:

• What’s something that went well this week?
• What’s something that didn’t go as planned, and what can you/we learn from it?
• What’s one behaviour or mindset you want to shift?

2. Foster a Culture of Feedback

Most people don’t get feedback because no one has the courage to be honest with them. Create an environment where honest, constructive feedback is normal and expected.

• Give feedback in the moment, not just during quarterly or annual reviews.
• Encourage team members to ask for feedback instead of waiting for it.
• Model constructive responses to feedback: listen, reflect, and apply.

Example: Instead of saying, “I think you could improve on X,” try, “I noticed X happened – what do you think contributed to that?” This helps your team member have an ‘aha moment’ where they discover an insight about themselves that expands their self-knowledge.

3. Help People Identify Their Blind Spots

Great leaders help their team see things they might not be able to see on their own.

Instead of pointing out flaws, try:

• Asking powerful questions that help people reflect.
• Helping employees connect the dots between their patterns and outcomes.
• Giving them stretch assignments to test their assumptions about their own abilities.

Example: If someone on your team avoids speaking up, challenge them to present in a low risk setting. Then debrief: “What did you learn? What surprised you?”

4. Model Self-Awareness Yourself

The best way to create a self-aware team? Be self-aware yourself.

• Talk openly about your own growth and blind spots.
• Show that it’s okay to not have all the answers.
• Admit when you’ve made a mistake and share how you’re learning from it.

Example: If you misinterpret a situation, own it. Say: “I realised I was making an assumption about that. Here’s what I missed…”

Your own self-coaching in the moment provides a potent example for people who report to you to see that it is safe to share their self-awareness journey.

Final Thought: Your Next Step

Self-awareness isn’t just a buzzword—it’s the foundation for confidence, leadership, and real growth.

• It helps you break old patterns and stop running on autopilot.
• It gives you the clarity and confidence to make better and more aligned decisions.
• It puts you back in control of your career and life.

If you’ve ever felt stuck, frustrated, or like you’re not getting the traction you deserve, self-awareness might be the missing piece.

Because the more you see, the more you expand your perspective, which makes it easier to change.

Want to speed up your self-awareness journey?

Let’s talk. Whether it’s through coaching support or leadership development, we’re here to help you see what’s possible. Book a breakthrough call today.

References:
1. https://hbr.org/2018/01/what-self-awareness-really-is-and-how-to-cultivate-it