To compare and judge is to be human. Whether judging the behaviours and thoughts of ourselves or others, it is a method we unconsciously use to navigate a complex world and determine our safety. We use judgement to assess whether we like someone and feel safe around them; predominantly driven by our identity, beliefs and values.
Why do we compare ourselves to others?
Our human need to be included and belong is a significant contributor to comparison and judgement. We use judgement to determine how similar or different we are to others and how likely we are to belong. At the same time, our brain is looking for evidence to reinforce our own perspective and bias because we like to be right. Of course, this is the challenge.
The problem arises, however, when these default judgement patterns result in harsh self-judgement and criticism. Comparison corrodes Confidence.
How can we minimise comparison and judgement?
Being able to consciously and confidently shine a light on your habitual judgement allows you to get curious and question the validity of this default reality and by definition be more inclusive of others. In Chapter 6 of the Core Confidence book, we discuss developing mindfulness and presence by tapping into our four intelligences to access the inner wisdom that is unfettered by judgement and the comparison that clouds our thinking:
1. Cognitive intelligence
Use rational thought and logic to understand what we are thinking.
2. Emotional intelligence
Recognise what we are feeling and how it impacts ourselves and others. Find out more about your emotional intelligence.
3. Intuitive intelligence
Listen to and trust our gut.
4. Physical intelligence
Notice our body language and what it is sharing with others.
Tuning into all our intelligences is so valuable and often underutilised because we’ve been raised to favour our head or cognitive intelligence.
This awareness enables more expansive and inclusive discussions as we drop our judgemental lens and try to see things from another’s point of view and prevents us from over-using our inclination to judge others. Not only does this provide a solid foundation when it comes to building relationships, it is a stepping stone towards strengthening our own core confidence. As we practice awareness, understanding and acceptance of ourselves and those around us, our relationship with confidence will transform.